The Unfathomed

Along with millions around the world, I too have been lost in thought these last few days, finding myself distracted by the need to ‘go in’ to myself, the gentle slope of necessary depression our minds offer us when the need to contemplate becomes more important to the soul than interacting with the external world. When I experience this call to come inside of myself for a bit, I have learned to obey it as quickly as possible lest it go from a whispered suggestion of my psyche to a screamed command from my body. I envision it not as a negative psychological state but literally a physical manifestation of the word, a physical space a ‘depression’ creates say in a swale of meadow or a dip in the land of a wood lot.  A place where gravity would naturally command you sink down, and rest.  This is a good depression, one that allows me to give myself permission to focus and work with specificity of purpose.

Evil is omnipresent in our lives. It lurks beside you, trails you, attempts to beckon you here and there. It seeks out weakness: a frayed thread, a loose stone at precipice edge, a fragile, wavering emotion. For most of us, it remains outside of us. Often we are unfortunate enough to be in proximity to it, its deadliness, its mocking taunt of us as it demonstrates its power to wield itself and be gone before you even chance to catch the scent of its putrid self. For some of us, evil will dwell within, waiting patiently, quietly, not owning time. It strikes, using a weakened one as a tool, an innocent blade with which to violently slice love itself, bleeding it out to pool at our feet, making a mockery of the steely wisps of goodness in one another that we cling so desperately to. Humanity has so far spent eternity feebly attempting to comprehend such things. It is not meant to be comprehended.  Such Darkness is the very essence of mystery.

For me, the only response I can muster to something so evil as what happened in Connecticut is to be quiet. To accept where God has put me now. To see with both eyes the work that is before me in the form of the people He has chosen to be in my immediate orbit and to ask myself: what is within my capacity at this moment to improve their lives?  With no further thought, I begin.

God Bless us all in these times.

-N